Lesbehonest (coldest winter ever)

My mother recently asked:
Why am I a lesbian
After a laugh,
I just asked: "well where should I begin?"
Maybe because
I have decided i want a girlfriend.
And not just any girl,
I want her,
The grown girl,
standing alone on her own,
in other words,
a woman 
Its not because i'm sick of men
but because i'm sick of the bullshit around me.
The clothed sword fights never cease to astound me.
Because I don't wish my pussy to experience violent sex.
Being banged out or beat up is not what I call love.
Because when i was lost and forgotten,
she is who found me.
When he said i was worthless she said that I was worthy.
Because he feeds off of me, so when i am hungry,
only a feast of the sweetest fruit can restore me.
I want someone i don't need to explain my moods to.
That will ride the monthly wave of emotions, holding my hand in silent solidarity. 
Forming symbiotic connections through chocolate and chic flicks. Someone that its okay to for me to cry with,
for no reason at all,
she will become my wall,
damning outsiders,
protecting the treasure of my queendom.
I want her to be my partner
Because sometimes i want be a fool,
And fall in love if i want to,
Because no love compares to that of a woman &
I deserve to
have my heart handled with care and compassion, 
I want someone who will share my passions
not look at me like I'm an addict cause I drool over the latest pair of steve maddens.
Someone who understands that sometimes shit happens
And though this road we travel may be laid with the brick of good intentions,
sometimes I slip,
so when i come groveling in shame,
she'll remind me we're all human &
We make mistakes
Because i have mommy issues and a tendency to require unconditional love
without my partner being executioner, jury & judge.
I want her because she is  poetry in motion,
when her hips sail smoothly in line with well scuplted muscular legs in those heels!.
Oooooh lawd!
Takes my breath away
The way she pulls my had to her waist
to dance with her
because feeling heat is fine
but sweat is sweet when the source is divine.
Because I want someone i can love with my mind.
Someone who will find it fine
if i take my time getting to know her,
helping to grow her
and myself.
Because mother,
I want a lover
who knows my wealth is hidden beneath layers of hurt,
& she is an archeologist digging deeper,
past skin to shoulder height holes of dispair
She digs until she sees the light inside my soul,
Spins prose into gold,
healing the old wounds with the power she holds
She Knows my time is valuable
So she doesn't waste a milisecond with small talk
Her ideas are big and bold
She's a woman who knows how and when to take control
Her knowing for
stronger am I .
This master Jedi,
the force is strong in her.
Just a little stronger and
she could fight the voice that says this love is wrong for her.

Ma, stopspeaking as if this is blasphemy
Maybe I'm a lesbian because that's the only word you have for me
or
Because my energy doesn't know its place,
because sex and gender don't always occupy traditional space.  and i think its okay to express love how ever you feel it.
For a person it is real with
Because I want to love her,
she who asks for nothing in return.
The one with the sad eyes, refusing to acknowledge how loud her heart cries out to me,
through late night convos in shared sheets,
with no idecency,
she makes love to me with her vocal tones & melodies. 
She who has been battered, bruised, broken and burned.
I want to love her for as long as the world turns,
no matter how long i must wait for my turn,
because i know from that moment on i will be her first,
her last,
her everything.
And she will bring the spring
to this endless winter
I call a heart.
Love & Light,
C. Joi Sanchez
www.jsanschez.wordpress com

Thanks for the love

Former lover,
I want to say thank you for leaving.
For giving me reason to cry.
I couldn't fathom how you'd leave me when you pledge me your forever.
But that was then, this is now
A new day
I have found a new way
Better yet a new love
One that I have always dreamed of
All those times when my toungue tied up and waterfalls would wash me into invisible
When there was nothing more to be said
I ran so fast and furiously from my pain
& right into her arms because
She waited.
Never in the same place twice.
But always with arms open wide
inviting me to partake of her.
She doesn't embrace me,
she engulfs me.
From the tips of my toes to the top of my head.
She the best.
My reason for breathing.
Spark to my flame.
She drowns out your pain like a shot of novocane but mixed with cocaine.
Cause i can't be clark kent in her presence
no known weakness' remains.

She's all you said was wrong but proven right
Its the opposite of what i get from you caused by what i get from you. She is cataclysims of  emotions, she is the suns rays warming oceans.
She is the change of the tides,
she brings the strength to my stride,
she makes everything alright when I am staring down the barrel of a shotgun begging for life to end. She takes time and allows me to take mine.
She gives me pause.
A reason to remain still and calm until peace comes from the pieces you broke me into.
So lover i want to say thank you. For leaving me broken and angry. Releasing your grasp
so I can be free
and find the love I found with me.

Love & Light,

C. Joi Sanchez
www.jsanschez.wordpress com