There, their, they're...

Its a beautiful thing,
black love
Because they're love
They connected their souls
The god body within,
created perfection
in the image of their love.
Yet in the eyes of their love
there was/is pain,
there are/were regrets,
there were/are obstacles,
and theirs is full of trials,
to their triumphs,
there were times of joys,
Days where their elaborate patterns of speech and dance,
Had them lost in the turns, tricks & dips
of their loves dance
there was a seduction,
in their love
there was/is a solace,
a peace
an at home feeling in their love cause
there love is home
even in their divided homes,
there is celebration,
there is gratitude,
there is a shoulder to lean on,
until there isn't a leg to stand on and
All that comes out is the anger
in their words ,
there is fury.
And sometimes there are blows,
to pride,
to hearts,
to egos
To mines
and to faces
from hands that once held that face to their face and softly whispered "I love you"
and they did,
even when they loved rough,
Their love was intense
cause their love is/was/is tough,
to be in
When there comes a point
where their love is not enough
or
their love becomes just too much
for their love to handle.
-j sans chez
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

Happy Mother's Day (from the married lesbian in the room)

I can officially say happy mother's day to every woman i know, myself, and my ancestors. this weekend has been the best mother' s day of my existence so far.
last night i spent the evening back in wow for the first time in 3 months. staffing & photographing a burlesque women who run with wolves by brown girls burlesque. sitting in a virtual sexy stew of drunken queer girls. being welcomed back with open arms and genuine love. afterwards, conversations with a goddess. thankfully my battery carried me home, music drowning out the jackals lurking in harlem shadows, cat calling from a far. alone, worked up, and  without mechanics; i masturbated for real for the first time in ever. i let go of myself with myself and was blown away at the results. if i can make myself feel that sexually, i can't wait to see what i can do in every other aspect of my life if i let myself go. unlatch the picket fence between propriety and reality and just live. do nothing more than breath and be. last night was like when you close your eyes and twirl in the afternoon sun on a spring day. perfect bliss. laying in a gaggle giggling at  the foolishness of the task, simultaneously relishing the joy. who wouldn't want to live a feeling like that everyday? i know i do.
tonight, i watched the same show in a new light. a different energy. joined by my husband,  after the performance of my best friend. her husband also watching. i staffed but wasn't needed, so we went to a late dinner at dojo. one of the last surviving throwback dive(ish) restaurant/bars down by nyu. it was the first double date of my life that i can remember since high school. and maybe not even then, the point is that i had a great time. for hours we sat and talked, and laughed until we cried. shared points of view. talked politics. took some pictures and laughed some more. my husband walked me back to my place, i'll call it home because its one of the few places i've ever felt secure. safe. anyway my knight, held my hand to the door. we stood in the nights amber glow and kissed forever. in a way that made me never want to let go yet not go any further than the innocence of the kiss.
i don't know what tomorrow holds but i have a plan to loosely stick to that will not change. i'm spending the day with my kids, mainly my son. he needs me like i need him. we need each other to remember how much we love each other. even if it means we sit and cry together, like we did this afternoon. maybe it means teaching him how to use (and not damage) my new canon rebel digital beast of a camera. maybe it means running and giggling with his little sister. whatever it is,  i'm giving my day to him tomorrow. he"ll get all of me how ever he wants to do whatever he wants. no make up, no fancy shirts, no (well close to no) phone.

this has been the best mother's day ever because this weekend showed me exactly how my life could be. complete. accepting of my male & female energy. without conflict once there are no longer lies & distortions. when you live your truth , you love it and it loves you back. ashe.

Venus

I don't know what it is but
I can't put it down
Within the word written
I feel a connection,
to something bigger than us
Divine inspiration
Perhaps we were muses in a past life
Or nymph
I feel universes within you
There's more to this book than just the cover
I want to
Read on

Caught Up in Love's Game

She speaks of love as if it is a game,
something to be played
kept boxed up on a shelf,
after the players have gone away
far away from wanting hearts and wavering minds
like closeness is irrelevent in the development of
something more than physical
i hate her
hate her eyes
the way they stare like lasers burning holes into me
hate that when i look into them,
i let her soul lock onto mine
and carry me away like leave in the fall breeze
My mind becomes a porch
swept clean of previous clutter, empty like her heart
just peace and tranquility fills the space just previously occupied by my love
i hate that when her fragile arms cluch me in their embrace i feel secure in this crazy world
suddenly assured that the woman i am today
is the woman she'll love forever
i hate her smooth melodic voice bringing
deliciously harsh kicks to my pride.
knocking my ego down to just the right size
the nook right below her head
leaving me tall enough to be her stoic empress
yet short enough to snuggle the nape of her neck
where i can inhale her sweet essence
i hate that smell
the one that emenates from her
resonates in me like pine trees on christmas
this scent intoxicates my being and i am filled with love
losing all reason
forgetting that i hate her mind
and her super powers
like her ability to convince me to be my better self with her & for her
and how she pushes me foreward
by keeping me from looking back
I hate the caress of her chocolate skin and full juicy lips
quenching the thirst of which i was unaware i even had.

Sweet Temptation

So I'm sorry that the heat is too intense for me to take
I feel it deep down
Makes my belly ache
Makes me wanna take
Advantage of the moment
Not you
There are so many things I'd like to do
With and for you
But right now Georgi is coursing thru my veins
And the reins I need to take hold of
Keep slipping

Yes sir

Yes maam
I am smitten
Its your britches I'd like to get in
As a favor to you
Want to taste your flavor and savor
Every moment of you

You're all I can taste when I lick my lips

So I imagine the reality
Of what it could be
If only you would let me
In

The Scribe

I have no more than these words to give
By no other means shall I live
For
I am a writer
A scribe of the inspired
Speaker of my truth for the seekers of the root
I write instead of run
Because the breath that fills my lungs never lasted longer than the ink on my paper
I write as prayer
To show gratitude for the gifts I've been given
As sacrifice
I bare my soul on parchment
I spread open my chest on stage
For I am not the architect just a conduit of my ancestry's hopes
I hope I live up to the expectation
I used to try to write inspirational intellectual culturally aware pieces
Things that would uplift & educate
Till I was left to hold the weight
I then decided, maybe I should wait
Let inspiration have its way with me
before committing to more than
just my dreams

Searching For The Light

i often feel the tug of ancestral spirits calling me home to where i am safe
calling me
calling me
calling my name
they say come home again
woman love yourself

i sometimes feel the urge to sell everything i own
move to countries comprised of villages & villas
set against beach & mountains
sing the sirens sea call
and lay forever in that moment
if i could lay forever
if only i could lay forever
in that moment

i would

i would pack up my bag full of guilt, hate, frustrations,
throw my madness into the oceans abyss
say goodbye to all of it
just say goodbye to all of it
just say goodbye

Woman

And what about when I just want to be a woman?
With nothing proceeding or following but success?
Because I always do my best
To be a black woman,
Knowledgeable, Proud and strong,
To be a queer woman,
Loud & proud,
To be wife woman,
Accountable, Faithful. & supportive,
To be a mother woman,
Nurturing & compassionate,
To be a sister, a daughter, a lover,
A hard -working, I can do it all
super woman
But what about when can i
Just be a woman?
I live for those moments
Relish in the luxury of letting my hair & guard down
Wrap myself in the freedom of it
Surrender my soul to the serenity of silence
My mind & spirit sing a melodic cacophony in celebration of that moment
That random,
rare moment
I stand bare
Naked
Not wanting
I am nothing more
Nothing less
Than a woman
Simply
Lovely
Loved
Woman

Fools in Love's Game

Foolishly
She sits in wait
For time to pass
For scenes to change
For leaves to grow
For spring to come
For her heart to bloom
She sits in wait
Foolishly
SHe turns the hands of time
SHe changes the channel
SHe trims the trees and pulls the weeds
Waiting for spring to come
SHe works endlessly
Foolishly
For fools in love never tire of their game
She waits
SHe works
They laugh
They love
Foolishly
They love
-End-

Little King Letters (revised)

Dearest son
My First born
My little king
I crowned you in the womb
I remember sitting up long nights while you kicked at my ribs and tickled my heart
Now 4 years later you stand half my height
And I'm shocked
At how fast you've grown
At how much you know
At How fast you go
And at How fast you came
At first I wasn't ready for you ,
 I am ready now
to share everything I know with you
 I must pace myself
For all I have is my heart
& these words for you
I know my love may overwhelm you at this young age
Because
All you want to do is play
And I want you to play
But I want to hold you in my arms the way I hold you in my heart
Forever
Forever and a day
And its a school night
Damn
You're in school
Education
The first step,
a small stone to the man you will one day be
And by hook or by crook
you will be a man
You will not be a grown boy
walking around these streets
jobless
pants sagging,
empty pockets,
empty mind,
yet full of hubris..
Not my son
forever hold your head high,
You are a warrior
stoic & strong
Like your ancestors
Like your mother
A dreamer
She Looks to the clouds
Son, come lay with me
Let's look for animals in the sky
And make up stories..
Cause are a creator
You who from your first steps moved fast & furiously through the world
Don't go to fast
Don't grow too fast
Making your way in this world
Take heed to the signs
Because they won't always point you in the right direction
Listen
to the wisdom of your father
You have his eyes,
his smile
his drive
His want to know everything
But always remember
you don't know everything

It takes time to learn even the simple things
And you will learn
To listen,
To be easy,
take your time
To love yourself
To fall in love with a person who knows their worth lies between their ears and not between their legs
I pray you find a willing love
not one that will make you beg,
break your heart,
Please baby
don't break your leg
With your speed
I need you to slow down
Don't go too fast
Don't grow too fast
Cause all you want to do is play
And I want you to play
But first come give mommy a hug
I want to hold you in my arms like I hold you in my heart,
Forever.

frekles

her face shines against black night
cold air whips through curls
shy smiles
giggles
"you're so cute"
i say and i mean it
soft kisses say goodbye
not
see you later

01 09 12

listen closely children
and you shall hear a tale
listen closely children
listen to the wail


outside sits clear blue skies
brisk winter wind
whips against your face
as i sail through the afternoon
numb
cold
i came outside to feel comfortable
my heart was freezing me from the inside
outside the only place i feel comfortable
like myself
awake
alive
but here in this warm house we're going up in smoke
his fire
my ice
steam and smoke
smoke and mirrors of no reflection
metaphorical vampires
sucking each other dry

Dance of The eastern Sun

Come


let me guide you

follow the sway of my hips across color lines
to bliss

come

let me take you

take your heart's pain away

ease into your consciousness

the peace i hold inside

come

lets stand in hugs
and kisses

find harmony in scents
intake deep breaths
and clear those troubled thoughts.

come
come take my hand
lets you and i run away
to the horizon
never ending.

Leaving on a Jet Plane

My love is forcing me to leave
she said to me today
that nothing lasts forever
i best be on my way
those fields of dreams
are calling
calling out my name
they said to her I'm finished
finished
so go away
a far off land is calling my name
things will never be the same
then again they never are
always changing
shifting
theis change, she said was a gift
for me
but for me
it is agony
the extended absence
makes my heart weep
for her i'd do anything
this city that never sleeps

Ode' to my Love

My love is forcing me to leave
she said to me today
that nothing lasts forever
i best be on my way
those fields of dreams
are calling
calling out my name
they said to her I'm finished
I can no longer stay
i'll miss your darling twilight
the way the moonlight plays
on your fields of dreams
i once believed
i'd conquer her someday
but now i cannot say
i have to go away
maybe i'll be back someday
yes i will come back some day
promise me you'll stay the same?

Two Eggs, Two slices of Bread, & a cup of Orange Juice

$4
It.was all I had left to live off
But I gave it
Gladly
To family
To let her know I appreciate her
Let her know she is
Not taken for granted
That she is family
And as such
I gave her my last
All I had
So she knows she never has to ask
She knows
That if the tables were turned
I would gladly open my home
She knows
There its nothing off limits
No limitations to the love I offer
Any aids she needs
Its here
Anytime
She is in need.
Even if it means
That I dont eat
That day.

This Little Fault of Mine

When I was 3 years old I drowned in a pool
playing with my brother
he would take me to the deep end
and bring me back to the edge of the pool
where i'd reach in vain for him to return
one moment of ambition
inspired to the impossible
i attempted to swim before i was ready

to this day i find myself repeating the past
following my heart's desire to destruction

Saturday

it gets easier
or so I am told
To wake up alone
Not knowing
Love

She

she was once a dreamer
a dancer
she moved with the winds of change
evolving and twisting in sun's rays
speaking symphonic in melodic phrase
she brought the spring with her
the room reserves her jasmin scent
upon her exit
into 16 degrees
she took the spring with her

Haiku For You

hi
i just wanted
to say hello
now
turn around
and walk
away