Texas Hold Em'

On some days
I sit by her side when shes got stars in her eyes wishing for you to come around
some days, you're all she thinks about
combining past experience with present circumstance
but it leaves the psyche confused
and the libido a little less then amused
when  you're in her thoughts rotation.

And it isn't fair how you taunt her with your butterfly wings,
they shine in your eyes when you smile,
she says, she is always trying to make you smile
she would tickle you, if you didn't hate it
but she is mesmerized  by your fire, no matter the tone
she says your voice seduces her from across the room
it bellows...
           inside of her..
it echoes..
           in her darkness,
each vibration, a crack in her defenses
and i'm sure she would lay down her arms,
if you set down yours
if you'd let go of the memory
the mistakes made in a transitional state
when her life was heavy
she was still learning to carry the weight
and along you came
at a meteoric rate
seemingly uninterested in anything  else but self
 seeming to be jumping from one relationship into the next and she couldn't get down like that
back then

ok
yes
     i know
it wasn't that much time ago
 but it was time enough for her to earn a little extra and get her shit together
so she'd have real time for you and not that bullshit that you accepted
she just wanted to be able to treat you better
but you took it as an insult, to say it was all her fault, thats more of a cop out
cause if you wanted to see her
                              wouldn't you have gone with her?
taken her home, not sent her out drunken with some folks she really didn't know?
not that anything happened
but it just so happens that you never ever asked her if she knew them
 i don't mean to throw salt on a wound but
its just something you should consider,
personal responsibility in the choices we make
go a long way to shaping the perception of others
but she doesn't seem to want any others
she just wants to be with you
I think she's confused, she says,
(her) heart is begging for answers
but  (i) brain doesn't have a clue        what to tell her                            
                       when                                                          she says
her  third eye's vision is clouded
 when its gaze lands on you
cause
this camaraderie is so damn comfortable yet the nonchalance is
smothering
 she keeps being a friend when there's clearly more between you
you keep going along,  all business as usual, and i'm sure you know exactly what you do when you do what you doin
whatever it is,
please for  "my friend's" sake
either go all in
or step away from the table.

There, their, they're...

Its a beautiful thing,
black love
Because they're love
They connected their souls
The god body within,
created perfection
in the image of their love.
Yet in the eyes of their love
there was/is pain,
there are/were regrets,
there were/are obstacles,
and theirs is full of trials,
to their triumphs,
there were times of joys,
Days where their elaborate patterns of speech and dance,
Had them lost in the turns, tricks & dips
of their loves dance
there was a seduction,
in their love
there was/is a solace,
a peace
an at home feeling in their love cause
there love is home
even in their divided homes,
there is celebration,
there is gratitude,
there is a shoulder to lean on,
until there isn't a leg to stand on and
All that comes out is the anger
in their words ,
there is fury.
And sometimes there are blows,
to pride,
to hearts,
to egos
To mines
and to faces
from hands that once held that face to their face and softly whispered "I love you"
and they did,
even when they loved rough,
Their love was intense
cause their love is/was/is tough,
to be in
When there comes a point
where their love is not enough
or
their love becomes just too much
for their love to handle.
-j sans chez
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

Happy Mother's Day (from the married lesbian in the room)

I can officially say happy mother's day to every woman i know, myself, and my ancestors. this weekend has been the best mother' s day of my existence so far.
last night i spent the evening back in wow for the first time in 3 months. staffing & photographing a burlesque women who run with wolves by brown girls burlesque. sitting in a virtual sexy stew of drunken queer girls. being welcomed back with open arms and genuine love. afterwards, conversations with a goddess. thankfully my battery carried me home, music drowning out the jackals lurking in harlem shadows, cat calling from a far. alone, worked up, and  without mechanics; i masturbated for real for the first time in ever. i let go of myself with myself and was blown away at the results. if i can make myself feel that sexually, i can't wait to see what i can do in every other aspect of my life if i let myself go. unlatch the picket fence between propriety and reality and just live. do nothing more than breath and be. last night was like when you close your eyes and twirl in the afternoon sun on a spring day. perfect bliss. laying in a gaggle giggling at  the foolishness of the task, simultaneously relishing the joy. who wouldn't want to live a feeling like that everyday? i know i do.
tonight, i watched the same show in a new light. a different energy. joined by my husband,  after the performance of my best friend. her husband also watching. i staffed but wasn't needed, so we went to a late dinner at dojo. one of the last surviving throwback dive(ish) restaurant/bars down by nyu. it was the first double date of my life that i can remember since high school. and maybe not even then, the point is that i had a great time. for hours we sat and talked, and laughed until we cried. shared points of view. talked politics. took some pictures and laughed some more. my husband walked me back to my place, i'll call it home because its one of the few places i've ever felt secure. safe. anyway my knight, held my hand to the door. we stood in the nights amber glow and kissed forever. in a way that made me never want to let go yet not go any further than the innocence of the kiss.
i don't know what tomorrow holds but i have a plan to loosely stick to that will not change. i'm spending the day with my kids, mainly my son. he needs me like i need him. we need each other to remember how much we love each other. even if it means we sit and cry together, like we did this afternoon. maybe it means teaching him how to use (and not damage) my new canon rebel digital beast of a camera. maybe it means running and giggling with his little sister. whatever it is,  i'm giving my day to him tomorrow. he"ll get all of me how ever he wants to do whatever he wants. no make up, no fancy shirts, no (well close to no) phone.

this has been the best mother's day ever because this weekend showed me exactly how my life could be. complete. accepting of my male & female energy. without conflict once there are no longer lies & distortions. when you live your truth , you love it and it loves you back. ashe.

Venus

I don't know what it is but
I can't put it down
Within the word written
I feel a connection,
to something bigger than us
Divine inspiration
Perhaps we were muses in a past life
Or nymph
I feel universes within you
There's more to this book than just the cover
I want to
Read on

Caught Up in Love's Game

She speaks of love as if it is a game,
something to be played
kept boxed up on a shelf,
after the players have gone away
far away from wanting hearts and wavering minds
like closeness is irrelevent in the development of
something more than physical
i hate her
hate her eyes
the way they stare like lasers burning holes into me
hate that when i look into them,
i let her soul lock onto mine
and carry me away like leave in the fall breeze
My mind becomes a porch
swept clean of previous clutter, empty like her heart
just peace and tranquility fills the space just previously occupied by my love
i hate that when her fragile arms cluch me in their embrace i feel secure in this crazy world
suddenly assured that the woman i am today
is the woman she'll love forever
i hate her smooth melodic voice bringing
deliciously harsh kicks to my pride.
knocking my ego down to just the right size
the nook right below her head
leaving me tall enough to be her stoic empress
yet short enough to snuggle the nape of her neck
where i can inhale her sweet essence
i hate that smell
the one that emenates from her
resonates in me like pine trees on christmas
this scent intoxicates my being and i am filled with love
losing all reason
forgetting that i hate her mind
and her super powers
like her ability to convince me to be my better self with her & for her
and how she pushes me foreward
by keeping me from looking back
I hate the caress of her chocolate skin and full juicy lips
quenching the thirst of which i was unaware i even had.

Sweet Temptation

So I'm sorry that the heat is too intense for me to take
I feel it deep down
Makes my belly ache
Makes me wanna take
Advantage of the moment
Not you
There are so many things I'd like to do
With and for you
But right now Georgi is coursing thru my veins
And the reins I need to take hold of
Keep slipping

Yes sir

Yes maam
I am smitten
Its your britches I'd like to get in
As a favor to you
Want to taste your flavor and savor
Every moment of you

You're all I can taste when I lick my lips

So I imagine the reality
Of what it could be
If only you would let me
In

Fools in Love's Game

Foolishly
She sits in wait
For time to pass
For scenes to change
For leaves to grow
For spring to come
For her heart to bloom
She sits in wait
Foolishly
SHe turns the hands of time
SHe changes the channel
SHe trims the trees and pulls the weeds
Waiting for spring to come
SHe works endlessly
Foolishly
For fools in love never tire of their game
She waits
SHe works
They laugh
They love
Foolishly
They love
-End-

frekles

her face shines against black night
cold air whips through curls
shy smiles
giggles
"you're so cute"
i say and i mean it
soft kisses say goodbye
not
see you later

01 09 12

listen closely children
and you shall hear a tale
listen closely children
listen to the wail


outside sits clear blue skies
brisk winter wind
whips against your face
as i sail through the afternoon
numb
cold
i came outside to feel comfortable
my heart was freezing me from the inside
outside the only place i feel comfortable
like myself
awake
alive
but here in this warm house we're going up in smoke
his fire
my ice
steam and smoke
smoke and mirrors of no reflection
metaphorical vampires
sucking each other dry

Dance of The eastern Sun

Come


let me guide you

follow the sway of my hips across color lines
to bliss

come

let me take you

take your heart's pain away

ease into your consciousness

the peace i hold inside

come

lets stand in hugs
and kisses

find harmony in scents
intake deep breaths
and clear those troubled thoughts.

come
come take my hand
lets you and i run away
to the horizon
never ending.