allowances

Dear Mr. & Mrs. white America

you're gonna half to make an exception

in case you haven't noticed

i'm black

yes 

despite the well groomed exterior

and articulation of intelligent thought

this young woman

is black

and proud

and loud about it

because if i don't scream it from the roof tops every chance i get

you may just forget 

and try to tuck me away in a cubicle somewhere

giving a hard time to the "other darkies"

the ones "not like me"

you know the pants sagging, baby-mama havin',  always bragging they have some new new new sh*t, can't hold down a job, no more than a case number ni**as

the ones  you say i'm nothing like

but are ready to group me with because my afro draws more attention them my a** in a well tailored pants suit. 

so excuse me from the group

i get a pass

I am allowed to be angry

because being black comes with that privledge/right?

cause the world has done us so wrong for so long

and its been too long since we stood strong

and stood our ground

but when we do we get shot down

no ribbons in the skies for our loves or lives

just another sunset into sunrise

so it should be no surprise 

when the sh*t hits the fan

cause the revolution will NOT be televised

and it's already began.

-peace-

Happy Mother's Day (from the married lesbian in the room)

I can officially say happy mother's day to every woman i know, myself, and my ancestors. this weekend has been the best mother' s day of my existence so far.
last night i spent the evening back in wow for the first time in 3 months. staffing & photographing a burlesque women who run with wolves by brown girls burlesque. sitting in a virtual sexy stew of drunken queer girls. being welcomed back with open arms and genuine love. afterwards, conversations with a goddess. thankfully my battery carried me home, music drowning out the jackals lurking in harlem shadows, cat calling from a far. alone, worked up, and  without mechanics; i masturbated for real for the first time in ever. i let go of myself with myself and was blown away at the results. if i can make myself feel that sexually, i can't wait to see what i can do in every other aspect of my life if i let myself go. unlatch the picket fence between propriety and reality and just live. do nothing more than breath and be. last night was like when you close your eyes and twirl in the afternoon sun on a spring day. perfect bliss. laying in a gaggle giggling at  the foolishness of the task, simultaneously relishing the joy. who wouldn't want to live a feeling like that everyday? i know i do.
tonight, i watched the same show in a new light. a different energy. joined by my husband,  after the performance of my best friend. her husband also watching. i staffed but wasn't needed, so we went to a late dinner at dojo. one of the last surviving throwback dive(ish) restaurant/bars down by nyu. it was the first double date of my life that i can remember since high school. and maybe not even then, the point is that i had a great time. for hours we sat and talked, and laughed until we cried. shared points of view. talked politics. took some pictures and laughed some more. my husband walked me back to my place, i'll call it home because its one of the few places i've ever felt secure. safe. anyway my knight, held my hand to the door. we stood in the nights amber glow and kissed forever. in a way that made me never want to let go yet not go any further than the innocence of the kiss.
i don't know what tomorrow holds but i have a plan to loosely stick to that will not change. i'm spending the day with my kids, mainly my son. he needs me like i need him. we need each other to remember how much we love each other. even if it means we sit and cry together, like we did this afternoon. maybe it means teaching him how to use (and not damage) my new canon rebel digital beast of a camera. maybe it means running and giggling with his little sister. whatever it is,  i'm giving my day to him tomorrow. he"ll get all of me how ever he wants to do whatever he wants. no make up, no fancy shirts, no (well close to no) phone.

this has been the best mother's day ever because this weekend showed me exactly how my life could be. complete. accepting of my male & female energy. without conflict once there are no longer lies & distortions. when you live your truth , you love it and it loves you back. ashe.

The Scribe

I have no more than these words to give
By no other means shall I live
For
I am a writer
A scribe of the inspired
Speaker of my truth for the seekers of the root
I write instead of run
Because the breath that fills my lungs never lasted longer than the ink on my paper
I write as prayer
To show gratitude for the gifts I've been given
As sacrifice
I bare my soul on parchment
I spread open my chest on stage
For I am not the architect just a conduit of my ancestry's hopes
I hope I live up to the expectation
I used to try to write inspirational intellectual culturally aware pieces
Things that would uplift & educate
Till I was left to hold the weight
I then decided, maybe I should wait
Let inspiration have its way with me
before committing to more than
just my dreams

Searching For The Light

i often feel the tug of ancestral spirits calling me home to where i am safe
calling me
calling me
calling my name
they say come home again
woman love yourself

i sometimes feel the urge to sell everything i own
move to countries comprised of villages & villas
set against beach & mountains
sing the sirens sea call
and lay forever in that moment
if i could lay forever
if only i could lay forever
in that moment

i would

i would pack up my bag full of guilt, hate, frustrations,
throw my madness into the oceans abyss
say goodbye to all of it
just say goodbye to all of it
just say goodbye